How to find your SELF!



Originally posted on






by Ranbir & Surinder Puar

As we all know, it’s not easy to embark on a new goal.  By now, many a New Year’s Resolution has been dismissed and replaced by the old, cozy habit.

Why does this happen?  There’s a part of us that wants to grow and change.  But, on the other side of the battlefield, our opposition is led by someone I call the Inner Critic.  That’s the inner voice that says, “there is no way I can achieve that” or “I will never get this right”.

Achieving goals can be a daunting task for adults.  Can you imagine how it is for kids?  How do you teach them something that you have not mastered?

Let’s look back at our own childhoods.  Back then, we were taught to measure success from the outside in.  Success was defined by wealth, power and/or beauty.

Childhood revisited










These are strictly external forms of recognition.  We are passing this along to our kids, but the problem is that with each successive generation we are becoming better at it!

Instead of admiring and role-modelling the traits of others, we are conditioned to compare ourselves to others.  This really sucks the joy out of life.   This is one of the starting points of negative self-talk that undermines our self-image.

It’s the reason that many of us feel a little empty on the inside.  For most of us, this belief in ourselves has been weakened over the course of our lives because we have been measuring with sticks that belong to others.

So, how can you make this shift?  In order to feel free within, you must get clear on what achievement and fulfillment mean to you.  What would you really LOVE to do?  How does that compare to what you think you SHOULD do?

You need to be sure that what you want to change is for you, and not for someone else.

People lose years – even decades! – of their lives because they followed that fork in the road that corresponded to someone else’s roadmap.

Start by asking yourself WHY you want to achieve your goal.  To achieve a goal, it must ignite your Inner Champion; that is, it must be intrinsic.  Anything intrinsic comes from within…it is your truth.

If your ‘why’ does not strike a chord with your inner champion, you will either:

  1. greatly reduce your chances of reaching the goal, or
  2. you will not feel satisfied even if you do achieve the goal.

Look around, so many people have achieved what appears to be tremendous success, yet they are still unhappy.

I think it’s because they have reached the goals set by the expectations of others, rather than goals that make them feel content on the inside.

I’d like to clarify that it’s not the expectations of others that they are trying to reach, but rather they are reaching for the love and validation of others.  This was certainly the case for me until I changed my focus.

The only way to get around this is to be your own VALIDATOR!!  You know, I would love for that to be your mantra for 2016 🙂

Start with you, validate you, impress you….  You will know if you have achieved that when you feel a sense of inner peace that is difficult to describe…. You will simply know it.

A full life involves so many things that cannot be measured, and that is a wonderful thing!  You can love as deep as you like – your passion and purpose are solely your own.  The best part is that there is no right or wrong.

Once you connect with the feeling of being free within, you will naturally role model it for your children, spouse, and loved ones.  You no longer need to use measuring sticks.  Your heart will be your barometer.

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